The Story of How She Found Me
I didn't come to the Rasik path through a library or a lecture hall. I didn't find it in a thick book of Sanskrit grammar. I found it in the middle of a bus ride, in the salt of my own tears, and in the freezing winters of Canada where the memory of a distant lane in Vrindavan became warmer than any heater.
Before I was a writer or a translator, I was just a boy with simple, worldly dreams. I wanted what everyone wants: a solid career, the title of an engineer, a successful business, and a secure life. That is why I left the soil of India. I came to Toronto chasing "more" — more studies, more money, more success. I thought I knew what I wanted.
"But She had a different plan."
A Glimpse That Changed Everything
Before I moved to Canada, I visited Her city. I was just a tourist then — having fun, soaking in the energy. I didn't feel "holy." I didn't feel "spiritual." But then, one night by the seaside, I saw Her. Just for a few seconds — a glimpse of a form, an image that didn't make sense to my mind but spoke directly to my heart.
There is a hill in that city — Her home, Her palace. When I stood there, looking at the world spread out below like a dream, the "mess" inside me simply cleared away. It was a raw, painful feeling. It hurt to feel that clean, that empty. I realize now that it was the beginning of an attraction I couldn't name.
How can a person start loving on their own? We think we choose to love God, but the Rasik truth is different: The Beloved loves us before we even know it. I was nothing special. I had nothing worth loving. Yet, She claimed me.
The First Real Tear
The bus ride away from Her city was the first time I cried a "real" tear. Not the tear of a child being scolded, but a deep, heart-aching sob. I felt like my world was crumbling. I looked at my life, my family, my plans for Canada, and for the first time, it all felt fake. I wanted to stay. I begged to stay.
My mother told me it was just "post-vacation blues." But when I arrived in Canada, the memories didn't fade. In the quiet of my room in Markham, in the middle of my studies, or while hanging out with friends, Her lanes would rush back into my mind. I was naive; I didn't know it was love. I just knew I was haunted.
"In the silence of my heart, I asked Her: O Pyari, why did you let me go? If you loved me, why did you send me to Canada? Why didn't you appear before me and stop me from leaving?" — Madhuri Sakhi
The Answer of Viraha
And the answer came, not in words, but in a realization that fills every page of everything I have ever written: She let me go so that love could awaken.
In the Rasik tradition of the Nikunj, we learn that distances are not meant to separate us; they are meant to make love grow. Separation — Viraha — is the fuel. She pushed me away so that I would forget the world. She sent me to the West so that the whole world would fade away, until the only thing left was the desperate call for Her.
This is the path I walk. This is why I write. Every translation, every essay, every page — it is simply a love letter sent across that distance, hoping She reads it in Vrindavan.
❋About the Radha Vallabh Sampradaya
The Radha Vallabh Sampradaya is one of the most intimate and elevated streams of Vaishnava devotion, founded in the 16th century by Shri Harivansh Mahaprabhu in Vrindavan. At its heart is a single, revolutionary truth: Shri Radha Rani is the Supreme — not merely a consort, but the very source and centre of all devotion. Shri Krishna is Her beloved, Her servant in the highest sense.
The tradition teaches that the highest aspiration of a devotee is not liberation (mukti) but to become a sakhi — a confidante and handmaiden of Shri Radha in the groves of Vrindavan (Nikunj). This rasik vision of devotion, drenched in beauty, poetry, and longing, is what draws seekers across centuries and continents to sit at the feet of saints in this lineage.
Alongside this, the Lalit Sampradaya — founded by Vanshi Ali Mahaprabhu — offers a parallel stream of rasik devotion, both traditions united in their worship of Shri Radha as the sovereign of all existence.
It is in this luminous tradition, under the grace of my Guru Premanand Ji Maharaj, that I found my name, my purpose, and my path.